


Point of No Return

by confinesofpersonalknowledge



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fighting, Fluff and Angst, General Angst, Hospitals, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, argument, is this how you tag, mentions of injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 19:58:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19471084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confinesofpersonalknowledge/pseuds/confinesofpersonalknowledge
Summary: Roman and Virgil are practically the perfect couple, until Roman reveals a big secret - that he used to be one of Virgil's bullies from high school. It causes a fight, and one that Virgil can't stay in the apartment for, so he storms out into the street... only to meet the worst. In the face of disaster, the two are forced to re-examine their relationship and decide just how they should move forward - together, or separate?





	Point of No Return

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Unspoken](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16015874) by [IronWoman359](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronWoman359/pseuds/IronWoman359). 
  * Inspired by [Unspoken](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16015874) by [IronWoman359](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronWoman359/pseuds/IronWoman359). 



> A big thank you to FebruaryFun, who gave me the prompt to inspire this! It was a lot of fun to write, I hope you enjoy it!

Roman doesn’t know what hurts worse - the look on Virgil’s face or the shame that bubbles up in his chest. It aches fiercely like nothing has before, but Roman doesn’t have a choice but to face up to it. A part of moving past one’s mistakes is acknowledging it, and Roman has kept this secret from his boyfriend - more, that word isn’t enough anymore, but nothing else seems to fit - for much longer than was acceptable. 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this - they weren’t supposed to fall in love. Roman wasn’t supposed to fall in love. It was supposed to be funny, a joke - not this. Never this - never the way that the thought of Virgil’s smile brings a smile to Roman’s face, never the way that the sheer thought of Virgil fills his heart with something warmer than Roman has ever felt in his life. He hadn’t expected it to get this far. He’d never anticipated this.

But Virgil is hard to fall out of love with, and Virgil deserves so much better than this. Than Roman. Than the boy who used to mercilessly stand by as he was bullied through highschool, who used to watch his friends shove the smaller man into a locker and then force laugh about it. He deserves better. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. But it did.

It’s difficult to describe what the look on Virgil’s face is - whether it’s heartbreak, or betrayal, or horror, or even just rage. Or a combination of all of them. Roman can’t blame him for them, knowing that he’d feel just the same if this was him. He doesn’t know how Virgil can stand to look at him right then, doesn’t know how Virgil only stares at him as if he’s hoping Roman will start laughing and tell him it’s just a joke. 

It’s a tidal wave of emotion that flickers across his face in a second before Virgil suddenly shuts down, shuts Roman out in a way that he hasn’t in years. Roman doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to make it better. Doesn’t know if he can make it better. How do you fix years of hurt with years of love? How do you spend years causing undeniable amounts of pain to someone and end up falling in love with them? Roman doesn’t know, but he knows that he has.

So he doesn’t do anything. Doesn’t do anything except stare down at his hands, as Virgil stands up to leave. Doesn’t make a move towards him when Virgil slams the door of their apartment, doesn’t make a move to follow him as Virgil’s footsteps recede in the distance. He can’t - he doesn’t have it in him to do so.

.

It’s raining. It’s not raining very hard, and it’s not very cold, but it is enough to spread the chill down to Virgil’s bones. He tugs on his hoodie in a half-hearted hope of hiding his face from the cold but ends up giving up on it quickly. He’s tired, and he’s upset and there are tears welling in his eyes that he tries to stop from falling.

And then he wonders why he stops them. It makes him feel young all over again, makes him feel like the boy he once was, all those years ago. It makes him feel so vulnerable, raw and open and hurting in a way that he hasn’t in years - he’d let down his guard. He’d let it down, and he’d let Roman in, and it happened again - he got hurt, like he always did.

Suddenly he was glad for the rain - if someone walking beside Virgil saw his face, they wouldn’t be too surprised by the wetness on it. Maybe he wasn’t doing the right thing - the sudden chill of the rain seemed so much colder than the chill of the street, seemed so much more daunting. He remembered the shame, the sheer disgust with himself that lined Roman’s body language. He’d listen to Roman, make him understand why this hurt so much - he’d move forward from this. With Roman, this time, instead of running away from him.

Having made up his mind, Virgil turned to cross the street back to their apartment. But the rain had picked up and Virgil couldn’t see the headlights through the downpour. He didn’t hear the screeching of tires or the deafening sound of the horn until it was much too late and suddenly he was weightless, flying through the air and wondering how he’d ended up there. And then he was hitting the pavement, little pebbles digging into his skin, pain exploding across his body. He rolled to a stop, staring up into the rain and then he was falling, tumbling, descending into never-ending darkness. 

.

Roman was scared at this point. Virgil had gone on walks like this plenty of times before - they were a couple that had their fair share of arguments, after all. But Virgil had never stayed out so late before. He’d always come back, sulking and grumbling and upset… but he’d always come back. Then again, Roman had never hurt him as much as he had today.

He’d just convinced himself that it was fine - that Virgil was undoubtedly still upset with him, that he’d probably spend the night at his friend’s house when his phone began to ring. “Greetings, this is Roman Embers speaking, who is this?” 

“Mr. Embers? This is Shands Hospital calling. Are you related to a Virgil Storm by any chance?”

Roman’s breath caught, and his heartbeat picked up in his chest. He clung to the phone, unable to speak or confirm. “I- ah, he’s my boyfriend, why do you ask?” His throat was so dry.

“You were his only listed contact. I’m afraid there’s been… an accident.” The voice replied, and Roman could feel the world shattering around him, slowly and then all at once.  
“An accident?” He whispered, almost numb as realization began to creep slowly towards him, slowly and oh-so carefully.

“Yes, sir, there was a car, and they didn’t see Virgil in the rain until it was too late. He’s in surgery now. Is- is there anyone else you’d like for us to call?” 

Roman was already halfway out the door, escaping into the rain that was just starting to dry up around him. Roman swallowed around the lump in his throat as the woman asked once again, taking a deep, shuddering breath. “No, I’ll be there. I- I’m all he has.”

He didn’t wait around for a response, instead choosing to drop the phone onto the passenger's seat as he white-knuckled his way to the hospital. The drive seemed to stretch on into infinity, each second that slipped by feeling like an hour on it’s own. He burst through the doors almost desperately, rushing to the front desk and barely managing to produce identification before he was being lead to a seat. He practically begged for any information, only managing to grab snippets of it - “unstable” and “in surgery” and “wait” was all he processed.

He sat down and hid his face away in his hands and waited. And waited - waited for what felt like an eternity all over again. Hours passed, taking and bringing an ebb and flow of people with it, busybodies shuffling their way around Roman and taking and bringing some kind of fog with them. At some point, Roman must’ve accepted the offer for a cup of water, because there was a crushed cup in his fist, water spilling out and over his hands as doctors came and went and no one was there for Roman.

At some point, realization decided to stop crawling and decided to hit Roman again, bringing a harsh reality crashing down around him. Oh God, Virgil…

A terrible sob ripped it’s way out of his chest, a strangled noise that made his whole body cave into himself with it’s force. The cup slips out of his grip, clattering to the floor as Roman suddenly hides his face in his hands, forcing back tears that trail long marks down his face. Virgil’s face haunts him, the betrayal and sheer upsetness making Roman cry harder as he thinks about the last thing he’d said to Virgil.

God, he’d let Virgil just walk out into the rain, without a jacket or an umbrella, heavy thoughts whirling through his mind. Why hadn’t Roman stopped him? Why hadn’t Roman done something, anything, that could’ve stopped Virgil, that could’ve kept him safe from such misery and pain?

Guilt warred at him, gnawing away at the old numbness in his chest, rising together like some horrible tidal wave of overflowing emotion that gave away suddenly to fear. Because what if Virgil didn’t make it? What if he didn’t live past the surgery, and Roman never got the chance to apologize, to explain, to beg for Virgil’s forgiveness so they could move forward together? What if he never got the chance to tell Virgil just how much he loved him, tell Virgil just how much he meant to Roman? What if he never got the chance to even say goodbye?

He hiccuped through another sob, scrubbing roughly at his face before pulling his hands down and into his lap, hunching over himself again. Tears built in his eyes and dripped slowly down his cheeks, splashing onto the linoleum floor quietly, and Roman made no move to wipe them away. 

It couldn’t end like this - not like this, with Virgil being taken away from him so terribly and painfully. It couldn’t end like this for them, not when they’d been planning their whole future together, when they’d just moved in, and Roman had just started shopping for rings. Their whole lives were waiting for them, and there wasn’t anything Roman could do to preserve them except wait.

He didn’t know just how long he waited, hunched over and silent, tears slipping desolately down the actor’s cheeks. His legs had gone numb, and his eyes were puffy, and Roman was sniffling, but hours or days could’ve passed by and Roman would’ve remained oblivious to it all, would’ve sat and stared at an unforgivingly harsh floor waiting for the tired voice that called for him through the din of the waiting room. “Mr. Embers?”

His voice was raspy, and Roman was sure he looked entirely too much like a disaster, but he couldn’t care less as he shot to his feet. “Yes!” He cried to the call of his name, rushing to the doctor that seemed to be waiting for him. “Yes, that’s- is Virgil-?”

“Stable, at least for now,” The doctor replied, and Roman could’ve sworn there was someone pouring ice cold water over him as a wave of relief swept through him. The doctor had continued talking, explaining something in regards to Virgil’s condition, but Roman really couldn’t remember any of it as he looked back up at the doctor.

“Can I see him?” 

The doctor’s eyebrows furrowed a little. “Mr. Embers, have you been listening at all? While Virgil is stable, for now, his spinal injury, as well as his cranial injuries point to very few signs of him waking up soon, if he wakes up at all. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was to slip into a coma,” He replied.  
The hope that had risen in Roman’s chest was quickly dashed, but he shook his head and looked at the doctor earnestly. “No, no, can I see him?” 

Something in the doctor’s posture softened and Roman was lead into the back rooms, through a maze of different hallways that opened up to another hallway of rooms. He was let into a room as a nurse exitted, a quiet and steady beeping being the only noise into the room as Roman entered.

It felt like Roman’s heart had shattered on the floor in front of him at the sight of Virgil.

He was so pale, paler than Roman had ever seen him, and he looked like he was barely breathing. Through the tears that sprung back up, Roman could barely make out the soft rise and fall of Virgil’s chest. He was motionless, terribly, horribly, horrifically pale and his eyes were closed. His left leg was lifted up in a cast, and bandages went down his neck and disappeared into the hospital gown. There were a few, careful bandages adorning Virgil’s cheeks and a painful looking bandage wrapped around Virgil’s forehead.

Roman sunk gingerly into a chair, unable to tear his eyes away as the doctor closed the door, leaving the two of them alone in the stifling silence of the room. 

“Virgil,” he whispered softly, taking Virgil’s hand as carefully as he could and raising it to his lips. There wasn’t any reaction from his unconscious boyfriend, and more tears spilled down Roman’s cheeks when Virgil continued to fail to wake up, fail to squint at the lights and grumble playfully to Roman like he always did.

He held Virgil’s hand as tightly as he could bring himself to, trembling as sobs wracked his body once more. “I’m sorry, Virgil, I’m so sorry, you have to wake up, okay? You have to wake up, you have to… if you want me to leave, I’ll do it, but you have to wake up and tell me… Virgil, you have to wake up, please… I can’t do this without you, please, Virgil…”

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Virgil’s hand again. “Please, Virgil,” He begged quietly, “Please don’t leave me.”

.

Awareness was a painful concept as it bled back into Virgil’s world, a confusing and disorienting fog of feelings and noises and aches and pains. Virgil’s entire body was a continuing dull ache, and his head practically pounded with every beep that sounded, and it felt like he’d been run over by a speeding car.

And then it all came rushing back, in one quick flash of memories as Virgil’s hand tightened around the one holding his. He cracked his eyes open, breath hitching in his chest as he caught sight of a defeated looking form slumped over at the end of his bed.

“Roman?” He croaked, voice raspy and broken from disuse. He squeezed Roman’s hand gently, watching his boyfriend begin to wake, opening one eye before he was suddenly sitting bolt upright.

“Virgil!” Was his only warning before Roman was gently throwing himself at him and hiding his face in Virgil’s shoulders, tears falling anew at the sight of his awake-boyfriend. “You’re awake, you’re, oh my God, oh my God, oh Virgil, I thought you’d never wake up!” 

Virgil suddenly found himself nuzzling Roman’s hair, trying to comfort him as he held him close. “Hey, hey, I’m here, it’s okay, I’m okay-” He babbled, trying to calm him down.

“No! You weren’t okay, you weren’t,” Roman drew back carefully, clarity almost startling Virgil as they met eyes. Roman’s were puffy and tired, his hair was flying everywhere, and Virgil wasn’t sure he’d ever seen his boyfriend look so… disheveled before. “You- Virgil, you almost weren’t okay.”

Virgil stared at him as Roman stared back, such determination in his eyes that Virgil couldn’t bear to look away. “Virgil, I- I have to tell you something. I- I love you, so, so much, and quite honestly, I never expected to love you this much, but I love you so much more than I could ever fathom. I almost lost you today, and that was the worst thought in the world to me, because then I’d never get to see you again, never get to hear your laughter… never get a chance to apologize and make up for all the cruel and horrible things I did to you. I know I hurt you Virgil, I know you must be hurting so terribly, but you have to know just how much I love you, and how much I regret being that person in the past. There’s no excuse for it, and I never should’ve hurt you, but please, Virgil, you have to know how much I adore you.”

Virgil squeezed his hand gently, eyes falling down to their linked fingers. “I know, Roman,” He looked up at the actor, giving him a small, tired smile. “I know you love me, and I was on my way back.” He shook his head at him, keeping him from interrupting. “Roman, you hurt me so much back then, and if you were anything like you were then, then God, I don’t know if I could’ve forgiven you. But you’re not, Roman, and I love you so much for it because I know you’ve changed. It doesn’t change the past, but we can work past it together, make a better future for ourselves, and I want to do it with you…” 

He sighed quietly. “Roman, I love you. And I know you love me - you’ve changed from who you were in high school, and you’ve changed into this- this beautiful, loving person that had the courage to admit his mistakes and beg for forgiveness. It’ll take me some time, okay?”

Roman sniffled and gave a quiet sob. “I love you, Virgil, I don’t say it nearly enough to you, but I love you. Please never doubt that, because I love you so much, I couldn’t- I almost lost you today- and I couldn’t bear the thought of never being able to tell you again.”

Virgil drew him into a gentle hug, hiding away his face in Roman’s shoulder and sighing softly. “Can’t get rid of me that easily,” He teased, “You tried, remember?”

Roman made a mock-offended noise, drawing backwards only to see Virgil’s radiant smile light up his whole face. And oh, if that doesn’t make the world feel so much brighter, so much happier when Virgil looks at him like that…

He carefully hugged Virgil, and Virgil sighed softly, rubbing Roman’s back with his free hand. The road ahead of them was undoubtedly painful, and Virgil knew it wouldn’t be easy… they had a lot to figure out, a lot to still talk about in regards to their past, and what they’d gone through years ago. But Virgil found he didn’t mind, when Roman was holding him like this, so carefully and lovingly. He knew they’d make it through.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated, and I hope y'all have a good day!


End file.
